Who Am I?

I have been struggling with a dilemma for the past few weeks that weighs heavily on me. The hardest parts of it, for me, are the assumptions, false accusations and the moral implications being applied to my person by someone who does not know me.

When this dilemma presented itself I consulted with my husband, a few friends and a few fellow professionals (since the issue pertains to my business). I received a variety of responses of which I could see both sides. Despite knowing that I had not intentionally set out to create this problem, nor do I really see the issue presented as being an issue, it bothers me that someone thinks I had done this thing on purpose and that I was caught in the “act” of the wrongdoing.

I readily admit that I am far from perfection (it’s actually a joke to even write “I” and “perfection” in the same sentence) and am often sticking my foot in my mouth since I am an individual whose emotions all to quickly get to my mouth before my brain does. However, I do try very hard to be an honest person, despite my other shortcomings, and in this case did not purposely set out to do what I am accused of doing. In fact the truth of the matter is that what happened was quite the opposite. Last year I spent about 9 months contemplating a change in to my business. I researched what I wanted (because of the investment involved) and looked to my local competitors to ensure I wasn’t copying someone else’s idea. Unfortunately, despite my due diligence, my area is saturated with others in my line of work and it is impossible to see everyones business.

Legally there is no a case of wrongdoing and morally I know there is no case of wrongdoing, so then why do I feel guilty? Why do I care what some unknown person thinks of me especially when I’ve done no wrong?

What I’ve chosen to do is not to engage in a reactionary way of being defensive, overly explaining myself or “my side of the story” (which I tend to do) because it will only lead to higher emotions and it will definitely not bring us to a resolution. I’ve replied that I would consider the matter but made no promises beyond.

Sometimes life throws you a twist and it is at those moments that you have to decide who you are and respond accordingly. Often I have to rant for a bit but then after I take some deep breaths, sit down and think about my being a daughter of God and how He would want me to respond. I am thankful He is there to guide me each step of the way and that with His help I am a better person. It doesn't take the hurt feelings or pain away but it does give me a sense of relief to know that He knows the truth and that does comfort me.