Motherly Peace

This time of year is always very nostalgic for AH and I as we reflect on how our lives changed so dramatically back in 2003.  That was the year Mr. B was born, and that was when we were thrust into parenthood, ready or not.  I remember that morning so clearly; receiving the call from our case worker - her calling me by the wrong name, but then finally stumbling through enough dialog to let me know that AH and I had been picked by a birth mother, that she was in labor and had taken our profile with her to the hospital.  Disbelief filled my mind.  Was this really happening?  It was so sudden.  Our profile had only been out for two weeks.  There was a very high chance that the birth mom would change her mind so don't get too excited.  Prepare for disappointment, hope for a baby. 

We met him, our sweet new baby boy, just 48 hours later.  He came directly from the hospital with his birth parents and grandmothers.  We met with the birth parents first.  This sweet, very young couple.  So brave, so loving, so responsible.  I cannot, even to this day, fathom the strength and courage it took for them to place Mr. B with us.  To put his needs before their own.  I don't know if I am that selfless. 

The grandmothers joined us and brought a teeny tiny Mr. B with them.  He was quickly placed in my arms and I had my first glimpse of my new son.  He was perfection.  Everything I’d prayed for and hoped I could keep.

After that everything moved at lightning speed.  The birth family left, the case worker gave us the okay to leave, and then we found ourselves in the parking lot with a new baby and we were parents.  It was all completely surreal and felt that way for several days. 

Every year I rethink the details of those 12 days.  From the moment we got the call to the moment when we were finally permitted to bring him home and he was forever really and truly ours.  I love it – I love our story.

That all started 11 years ago today.  I can hardly believe how the years have flown by and soon he’ll start achieving adult milestones.  It’s too fast.  It’s not enough time.  I miss my baby, my teeny tiny baby boy. 

Mr. B has had a fantastic weekend.  Last night was our last pinewood derby and Mr. B’s car came in first place.  He and AH were elated.  Today he had all his favorite meals, a party with several friends playing all his favorite activities, and tonight his cousin and uncle came over and spent some fun time with him. 

This evening I heard Mr. B calling out looking for me.  He found me on my bed reading a book.  He laid down beside me and told me that today had been a really awesome birthday.  He was very mellow, very content.  The warm light of my bedside lamp provided a soft illumination over us as we talked and cuddled.  I felt my heart fill, a perfect peace spread throughout my body.  This was one of those parenting moments that we all live for.  It too seemed a bit surreal – is this really my life, this perfect moment?  I’d better be present in it, capture it in my memory forever, and bask in his loving tenderness.  I know these moments with him are fleeting - I will treasure them always, hoping to stretch them out for as long as possible.